Monitoring daughter's gmail account

[LIT]

Ever since the internet has become so readily accesible, I've dreaded this day.

My daughter is *2. I allowed her to have access to the HOME computer, and told her she could set up an email account - after all, 'all her friends have them'.

Long story short, I noticed that she's stopped logging into the account at home. But I know she is still using it, as I've heard her talking about it on the phone to her friends. In addition, any time I ask her about it, she gets very defensive and then walks away.

At this point, I'm afraid that she's hiding something - there has got to be a reason why she NEVER checks her email at home.....

She usually doesn't go over to her friend's houses that much - so I think she must be logging in at school.

Is there something I could use to monitor her activity? Since she doesn't log in at home, would it be possible to attach something to a zip file of pictures or something? We've all been told not to open exe files......

My other question would be about the legality of this....if it were to install on one of her school computers, etc.

Sorry for so many questions. I'm just physically sick about all this - her defensiveness scares me so much.

Thanks for any help

[Moonbat]

It'd be illegal to do such a thing.

Just beat your daughter until she coughs up the password then check her account. Both are illegal but this method has a much better success rate.

[SyntaXmasteR]

If this is a legit post and you are serious I have a few questions:

*. Do you trust your daughter? If you trust her, why the need to invade her private life?

2. What are your concerns? Do you think she is doing drugs or having sex?

She's *2. If you think she is secretly involved in some unlawful acts through email sit down and talk to her about it. Tell her you dont know much about the internet and ask her what she uses her email account for.

Maybe the fruit of your loins is a succubus. In this case you can install keystroke software on your home computer, ask her to show you how email works, and hiddenly record her username and password.

[Moonbat]

...Maybe the fruit of your loins is a succubus..
Someone's been hitting the old literature a little too hard :)

Yeah, like SyntaX said, keylogging software would work, but if your daughter finds out, she'll never trust you again. But then again you don't trust her, so the distrust is mutual.

[aztec13]

seig heil comadante! Or however you greet a dictating mongering ruler these days. Leave that poor girl alone. No wonder she won't log on at home anymore. Can you blame her ? You don't need a keylogger, you need a good sit down with a third party to explain to you on how to raise kids. Sorry to be so critical, but this is just sad.

[gordo]

One of my biggest worries with a *2 year old would be online predators. A *2 year old may think she is smarter than her parents, but that usually isn't so. Predators are very good at what they do.
I would install something like Spector Pro on the home computer. http://www.spectorsoft.com/ She will log on eventually.
If she is going online somewhere else, monitoring another computer without permission is illegal.

[LIT]

Wow. Some of these responses are very caustic.

The concerns I have for my daughter are mostly associated with sex, sexual acts, and internet predators. I don't know if any of you have watched the news lately, but *2 years old is nothing like it was when I was growing up.

Nowadays, *2 year olds are performing oral sex, having intercourse (we just performed a c-section on a *2 year old at our hospital in Dallas....preppy girl - from a private school - nice, huh?), and lewdly flirting with men via sites like myspace.

Do I trust her? I don't know. I thought I did. But when she stopped logging into her account at home, it struck me as odd. Why would she NEVER log in at home anymore?

Maybe she's not doing anything bad - maybe she just doesn't feel like using the computer at home anymore. That's fine. But what if she's set up a myspace account, and is corresponding with potentially dangerous people.

The truth of the matter is that kids are very influenced by peers these days. And, unfortunately, we all know that kids can be prone to hiding things and being dishonest about them - IF they think they will get in trouble.

We have had the 'talks' about sex, internet predators, etc. I have concerns about 'accusing' her before knowing what she is truly doing. I don't want to alienate her....and I haven't actually decided to view her email account. But I wanted to know what my options are.

This is my first and only child. I don't know how many of you have children, but do you trust them *00%? Enough to leave them alone, not ever monitor who they hang out with or what they are doing on the internet? I'm sorry, but I don't want to be one of those mothers that finds out her *2, **, or *4 year old has been 'date raped' by one of her classmates and is now pregnant. It happens. Even if you are a good parent.

That being said, I may have absolutely no reason to worry. She could just be wanting her privacy. BUT I could also be right to be concerned - she is purposely not logging on at home.


Maybe the fruit of your loins is a succubus
I'm sorry, but this is very inappropriate. I truly hope you don't go around saying things like this to people in the real world. But, then again, my guess is that you won't feel badly at all for saying it.....not many people take responsibility for their words or actions anymore. Especially when they are as offensive as this.

[LIT]

One of my biggest worries with a *2 year old would be online predators. A *2 year old may think she is smarter than her parents, but that usually isn't so. Predators are very good at what they do.
I would install something like Spector Pro on the home computer. http://www.spectorsoft.com/ She will log on eventually.
If she is going online somewhere else, monitoring another computer without permission is illegal.

Thank you, gordo. The legality issue was a concern of mine.

Your response is a good one. She WILL have to log in at home eventually. It may be summer vacation before she does, but if that's what it takes, then that's what it takes. It's just hard to sit back, not worry, and wait. I don't want my daughter to get hurt. We all do stupid things when we are young - thinking that we can protect ourselves....or that none of those 'bad things' will ever happen to us.

Maybe I am a 'bad' mom....a 'mean' mom....a 'strict' mom....but if it prevents her from things like pregnancy, rape, or drugs, then as far as I'm concerned, you can 'tag' me as any kind of mom. I've seen some frightening things in my days working in the operating room. Kids much younger than *2 that have experimented with drugs - not knowing what they were taking - just that a friend gave it to them and said it was a 'party favor'. Kids coming in who have been beaten or raped (boys AND girls, mind you) by someone they thought was a kid their age on the internet. Can you imagine the guilt their parents must feel? Knowing that if they had been just a little more attentive to their child's activities, then their child might not end up in that predicament.

I know I could not forgive myself if that were to happen to MY daughter.

[SyntaXmasteR]

I'm sorry, but this is very inappropriate. I truly hope you don't go around saying things like this to people in the real world. But, then again, my guess is that you won't feel badly at all for saying it.....not many people take responsibility for their words or actions anymore. Especially when they are as offensive as this.

LIT

The fact that you took that comment serious really and truly scares me. I have sympathy for your daughter now.

I am taking full responsibility for my words as you should take full responsibility as a parent and seek deep therapeutic counseling. You join a hacking group/forum to seek out ways to spy on your child. That is extreme and if I were *2 years old and found this out about my parent, I would loose all faith, trust, & love in my mother.

Yes, mothers should be nosey and pay attention to their children, and stay very involved with their lives. Swaying so far from the norm and get paranoid because she writes emails at school is a bit disturbing to say the least.

If she feels ok speaking with you about boys, drugs, etc you have nothing to worry about. If you freak out everytime she blinks, of course she is going to hide everything from you. I would do the same.

Go and give you daughter a hug, tell her how much you love her, trust her, and learn to become her friend again and not SPY.

SyntaX

[Sir Grifin]

i think there not any mom, "monitoring daughter acount" get the f*&k out there here....this is a guy who is trying to get into his girlfriend acount, maybe cause he is not enough manly to spoke to her about it, or maybe just an anoying guy who´s interested on a sweet babe and he dont know if she has seen somebody....any way all of this shit piss me of, cause internet its a damn powerfull tool, and **% of those people thinks that only intention of this tool its to hack or to see whats going on with your fellas girl, or somebody, i study this carreer and i hate people who ask me for msn pass or email acounts....well its my opinion, as mike or moonbat says, dont remember, if you have a doubt pull the ethernet cable out... and drink a f***n beer or something to chill out.....

[Moonbat]

Is there something I could use to monitor her activity? Since she doesn't log in at home, would it be possible to attach something to a zip file of pictures or something? We've all been told not to open exe files......

My other question would be about the legality of this....if it were to install on one of her school computers, etc.
Even though these two questions have been answered I'll answer them again.

*. There are a variety of keyloggers you can use such as Ardamax (http://www.ardamax.com/) or SpyTector (http://www.spytector.com/), or you can use a remote administration tool (RAT) like ProRat (http://www.prorat.net/products.php?product=ProRat). Yes, it is possible to attach them to other files; you can use a file joiner or binder like FBI Binder or MicroJoiner.

2. This would be illegal if installed on a school computer, unless you are granted permission from the proper authroities.

We don't know you, and we can't be sure whether you are bluffing or not. Don't expect us to embrace you with open arms. You don't have to get offended by everything we say, that's how we act with everyone. As far as we are concerned you are 7*.**.***.** (replaced some numbers with asterisks to give you privacy). You are just four octets. Everyone here is just four octets.

[LIT]

Moonbat,

Thank you for your reply. People can think what they will of me. I'm in a difficult position here. And I realize that these people don't know me. But I still fail to see how the comment about the 'fruit of my womb' being a succubus could be interpreted as anything but ugly.

I don't think I am a parent who sways that far from the norm. Many parents are faced with the difficult issue of privacy vs being a parent responsible for their child's actions. The lines aren't so black and white anymore.

As for the person who said I'm probably a guy who's trying to hack my girlfriend's account.....well, I'll just tell you the same thing I tell my boyfriend when he says something equally absurd. "OK...you're right."

If it's illegal, I don't want to do it. The more I think about it, I do agree with the privacy issue. I don't really want to 'spy' on her. I simply want to check to make sure that this change in her behavior is not associated with something dangerous.

I appreciate the information that has been provided. But, again, I don't want to do anything illegal. I will try to decide whether or not I wish to put something on our computer at home. If I do put something on the computer at home, then perhaps I will remove it afterwards, and remind my daughter that it's always a good idea to change her passwords every once in a while.

To those who think I am 'extreme' or don't know me.....it's not easy being a parent. Especially when a lot of *2 year olds are going on *8 these days. We are told to look for certain behaviors that might be indicative of drug use, depression, or bad behavior. Sudden changes in behavior and secrecy are things that we are told to watch out for.

A drug addict is not going to tell their parents they are using drugs. A flirtatious encounter on the internet may not be something she feels like confiding in me. Maybe she's becoming sexually active, and doesn't think it's any of my business. Who knows what she would or wouldn't tell me. All I know is that she's exhibiting some of the 'red flag' behaviors that we are all told to watch out for.

Please don't be so quick to judge someone you don't know. Not all of us are looking to 'read our child's diary'.....some of us just want to make sure we aren't going to find our child pregnant.....or raped..... or dead somewhere. Especially when we could have prevented it by just following up on those red flags. That's a guilt no parent should have to live with.

[Moonbat]

Installing any privacy montoring programs on your computer (provided the computer is yours, as in, you bought it) is totally legal. As for school computers though it'd be illegal.

I'm not a parent so I guess I can't understand how you feel. I'm not gonna try to give you advice, but I do stand by my statement recommeding you to beat her. East Asian (Chinese, Japanese, etc.) kids' parents beat them, and except for the rare Cho Seung-Wui type of kid, most of those kids are obedient, respectful kids ranked very high in their classes.

[gordo]

Another good reason for monitoring the home computer is: if your child is doing something illegal, the parent is sometimes responsible for the child legally. And guess who ends up paying for the lawyer?

[SyntaXmasteR]

Good ol American justice system. Parents are responsible for their children's actions whether it be secretly downloading illegal music, or stealing a stored away weapon and using it. But wait! Do not spank them when they are caught, it psychologically ruins a child, and spanking is illegal... hm... dont we have something called the death penalty for those who misbehave as adults? yet we cant spank our children.

Maybe its just me, but from an external view of our own country we look like a bunch of hypocritical fools.

[Sir Grifin]

I stand, you have to talk with your child and come on you are the mom, dont you have a sixth sense?, if she are on drugs, what its not too bad, or if she is sexualy active, remember when you start your sexual life how many year did you have? did you tell to your parents? or did you ? how does it feel if somebody spy you private life.... that sucks realy... this kind of thing make me sick, people like you piss me off, and if this hole thing its true you are the worst mom in the worls cause you dont have any care on your childs.....Cýa and have a nice life

P.D for more information you might find some info here LIMITS (http://www.all-nettools.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6700) just take the important things

[teknicalissue]

think about about everyones right you are the mom take some responsibility and just ask her your self..even if she get defensive i doesn't matter who own the house? who pays for the food? who buys her clothes? exactly YOU DO! your in charge not her, if your seriously worried go to a therapy session with your child or maybe your self alone (not being insultive, im seriously trying to type this out as nice as possible)..look at what your doing..your asking hackers (im not speaking for everyone ..) on how to find out what your daughter is doing/ up to.. thats like putting a hit on your boss just because he didn't give you a promosion kind of thing..its extreme right? anyone agree?

[Moonbat]

i tink LIT is rite cuz liek, sheez a gurl . lol gurlz on mah internetz

[teknicalissue]

nahh tis teh internwebz not internetz =P, :D

[Moonbat]

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol
i am kwite ***rd at teh momint

[teknicalissue]

tis alrite, tis women ouf women will kip U.s interteinedses

[SyntaXmasteR]

Death by Succubus (http://wow.allakhazam.com/images/mobs/SuccubusMinion.jpg) -50 pts

[Moonbat]

I remember when I used to play WoW. I hit lvl 60 (the max level at the time), then I got into farming gold and selling it. Then I got banned. :D

Ah, bad times, bad times.

[TomF]

Why not just speak your mind? Come out and say you are curious, and you are wondering why she doesn't bother checking her e-mail at home? If you cannot communicate about such simple matters, I think you have bigger problems to worry about, with or without Internet access.

If you are worried about online predators, I doubt her gmail account is the right thing to focus on; she would have to first give out her e-mail address, and to do this, she would first have to surf forums, social networks, etc. I don't think you have to worry about her e-mail activities; her surfing habits probably deserve more attention.

[Sir Grifin]

well i have to confess, i used a keylogger to chek my girlfriend´s password cause i have a doubt just jelousy about her x-boyfriend, but come on be honest 8 years with this guy, come on i have to check if everythings its ok we are together about 7 months and at the first we be complety happy as far i know we are a very stable couple and i realy dont wana try to use this thing again, i trust my girl...

[addictedone]

i'll start this with - i have no answer on how to help you that has not already been voiced, however, i wanted to let you know that i stand beside you.

as a mother of 2 girls who are active internet users i have always had their passwords, it was a requirement of being able to access the internet from home and from the library and it was also relayed to them if i could not access their email accounts because they had changed the password and did not warn me or provide it then their rights to access that i could control/observe would be removed.

those of you who are not parents may not understand the fear that we have when our children are on the internet.

the net has great and vest uses and resources and it also has many - many preadators and i wanted to know that if needed i could access their private emails. i have yet to have the need to access the emails, however i know that if needed i could.

the first step in this process was that i helped them setup their accounts and my email was their verification email address so when they do change the password the primary email receives a notification

knowing is half the battle.

my children and i have an excellent relationship and we do trust each other and we talk openly about allsubjects and we have discussed the hazards of internet and myspace life.

to this date i have only accessed * child's myspace account due to some obscene words she had used in her profile, as soon as she came home that day i told her that i had gone in and changed it and we talked about it and it has not been a problem since....

there is no shame and no harm in being prepared and having a plan should an issue arise...

Addicted One

[Nancycy]

It'd be illegal to do such a thing.

Just beat your daughter until she coughs up the password then check her account. Both are illegal but this method has a much better success rate.

monitor *2-year old daughter is legal. Anyway, she is too young to tell the good from bad.